What’s in a name?

Once asked by Shakespeare and often used by us, this question is one we are all aware of. While some may agree and some may not, I tend to take my name very seriously. Being an Indian girl, I’ve grown up in a society where I’ve been told time and again that I would have to change my last name once I get married and even before that, at times, I’m expected to use my father’s name as my middle name but I don’t understand the reason for it. For all these years, my name has been a part of my identity and I don’t get the idea of adding my father’s or my future husband’s name to mine. I’m an independent individual with an identity of my own, not defined by the name of the family I come from or the name of the family I’ll be going into.

I’m not against the women who choose to add their father’s or husband’s name to theirs as it’s a matter of personal choice but I’m against the concept of it being mandatory. We all should be given the choice of deciding if we would like to add a man’s name to ours or if we want to make our own identity and live with our own name.


The truth is what we see

It often happens with me that I believe what I see to be the truth but later I realize it was only a part of the truth or in some cases, was far from the truth. Truth is all about perception, about how we see things and at times, we see things in a way that we want to and not in the way things actually are. I’ll try and explain it with a simple example; if we are looking for a particular object, we often have an image in our mind but if that thing is not in the form that we imagined it to be, we are not able to see the object even if it’s right in front of us. Same goes for bigger things in life too, when we think the truth is what we see but what about the unseen truth and the unseen facts? We tend to overlook those just because they are not the way we imagined them to be. If we consider a person to be bad, we overlook all the good qualities in them and all we can see in them are the bad qualities. No person can be entirely good or bad, we all are a mix of both. Why don’t we all try and see the good side of things, the one we tend to ignore and we might end up discovering something new, something nice, and something which can give a new meaning to our lives.

Let’s see the Unseen

What does a marriage mean?

If you check the meaning of marriage on Google, this is the result you get: the legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman (or, in some jurisdictions, two people of the same sex) as partners in a relationship. Marriage is much more than this. It is a lifelong commitment of two people to each other, to share all their happiness and sorrows, to support each other through all the hardships in life and to be loyal to each other. But the fact is that it’s really difficult to find married couples who justify this sacred relationship. A lot of times I see couples who fight like cats and dogs, and I’m not referring to the fights which are a result of the immense love and care that they have for each other; it’s the fight between people who can’t stand each other but still have to be together just because their parents want them to be together or because they have responsibilities of their kids. But who are we fooling here, do the kids want to watch their parents scream and throw things at each other or would they prefer to see them cursing the day they got married, wouldn’t it make them lose their trust in this whole arrangement? Marriage should be a beautiful relation where you wake up every morning to the smile of the person who loves you the most and sleep next to them every night thanking God to have them in our life. If a person is not in love with the one they are married to, that marriage has no foundation and it would be better to walk out of a failed marriage rather than living everyday in a state of misery. Please do not get me wrong, I do not mean that people should not make an effort to make their marriages work, what I’m trying to say is that a marriage is based on the foundation of love and trust and if either of these two is missing, the marriage is bound to fail. I see people staying with their cheating spouses just because they think marriage is a compromise but it doesn’t have to be that way. Marriage shouldn’t be called a compromise and it shouldn’t be one. It should be the beautiful journey two people embark upon, with lots of love for each other and the dedication to make it work. It is not easy but then it’s worth the effort if the person holding your hand means the world to you and they feel the same about you.

Amongst the hustle and bustle

While travelling home after a long day at work, I suddenly thought to myself ‘What am I doing with my life? Where am I going?’ I’m a 28 year old who has busied herself in just another monotonous and mundane 9 hours job (not to forget the 5 hours long commuting; which involves running to catch a local train, attempting to get into one and if successful in that, getting pushed around by screaming women who don’t even seem to know what are they screaming for). Isn’t this the story of most of us staying in Mumbai? It’s said that Mumbai is the city of dreams where all your dreams can get fulfilled, but this is not what I dreamt of. I don’t want to be a part of the crowd which keeps running around just to get to work on time and then to reach back home. I want to live my life, which is not revolving only around job and money. I want to enjoy every moment of being alive, travel, see the world, meet new people, go on journeys which teach me about myself, my companions and the world around us in all its vivid and bright colours. You may think what’s stopping me, but I also know that you got the answer the moment you asked the question; responsibilities, expectations and not to forget, the Society. All of us want to be financially independent and put all those expensive degrees of ours to good use. We want those skirts from ZARA, jackets from Vero Moda, Ruby Woo from M.A.C and what not. Let’s accept it, we’re greedy people; at least I am. I want it all, all the clothes I like, shoes of all possible colours and styles, make up which can make me look flawless and attractive, and in addition, I also want to enjoy being alive. Am I being too greedy? May be not, we have only one life to live. I don’t know what happens after we die, I don’t know if I’ll get to enjoy all these things again or not, so I want to enjoy every bit of it so that one day when my skin is wrinkled and my hair all grey, I look back in time and say ‘I lived my life the way I wanted to’. We are all expected to live our lives a certain way and if we break these unsaid rules, we are mocked at, shouted at and pointed fingers at. Should we really care about what others expect us to do? Don’t we have the right to choose the kind of a life we want for ourselves, as far as we are happy and nobody gets hurt? We need to find time for ourselves, to do the things we like and to be with the people who make us happy. If going to work makes you happy, then there’s nothing wrong with spending those extra hours at work; but if that’s not the case, make time for the things which you always wanted to do, for that hobby you wanted to pursue and for the journey you wanted to take.

Is beauty really skin deep?

Whenever we come across a ‘not so good looking’ person, do we make an effort to know them better, to know if they have a beautiful heart or not? For most of us, the first thing that attracts us to a person would be their physical attributes, pretty face, sharp features, fair skin, a well toned body and so on. Sitting in a group of such ‘pretty’ looking friends, we might have often made fun of a guy wearing a pair of geeky looking specs and somewhat old-fashioned clothes but who knows, he might have a heart of gold! What kind of  girl would a guy generally prefer..a fat one in salwar kameez  or one with a well maintained figure in a dress or shorts? Isn’t all this superficial? Will a pretty face or a good physique always be the same? No, but a golden heart would. Why don’t we actually try to know people better, even the ones whom we don’t find that attractive and who knows we may be able to find a good friend in them or even a soulmate…